Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Here in sit - All Alone

I like to think of this as the next chapter in the book called My Life. I am a little sad, yet excited in what is to come and how things are changing. I am welcoming change with open arms right now as the recent past has not be very kind to me. 

I am finding myself alone for the majority of the day now, a real big change for me. My youngest started kindergarten this year and as I put them both on the school bus in the morning, I turn and let out a little sigh - and not necessarily a sigh of relief. I miss them terribly. Even in the midst of sibling rivalry (that goes on all day long) I have to say I miss them. I really wish I was able to homeschool my little guy and girl, but at the moment, financially and time wise, that is not an option for me.

I am sure this too will become easier as the days go by, but for now, I am lonely and sad.

BUT - yes there is a but - I am finding the good in all this sadness and loneliness. Yes indeedy I am. (and yes, I just wrote indeedy).

I am finding that I can actually get a lot of stuff done. A lot of stuff that I normally look at with worry that it won't get done, and wonder when am I going to find time to do all this stuff. Well, I now have time. I have been able to get all my work done, cook, clean, all those little odds and ends I usually have to do on the weekends, and I am done by 3 p.m.  Now when my children get home at 3:15, I can give them all my attention, and love. I don't have to worry about finishing work, or picking up before daddy gets home, or wonder when am I going to be able to get to the laundry. It is done!!!! 

I have vowed to myself that on their day's off, I am off. I find that I can be there for them when they are home and they need me and I don't feel rushed, harried, etc.

So, even though I miss them terribly throughout the day, I feel that our time together is spent in a more peaceful manner, and I can give them my all. God is good. He is turning my sadness into something special and great - and teaching me how to be a better mom.

So, please pray that my sadness will subside and that I use my time alone wisely so as to continue to have this sense of peace and accomplishment in my life (something that has long been missing). It is God that strengthens and comforts me. How awesome is He!!!

God bless. Peace and Grace to all.

Happy back to school for all of our kids out there.


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